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Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Wines and Dines all the Presidential Elephants

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Thank you for joining me this evening at Kiawah Island Golf Resort’s Ocean Room.  I realize everyone is surprised to see one another again so soon after that grueling Charleston debate.  Governor Christie, now-now, no stink-eye stare at Dr. Carson.  Here, have some North Carolina osetra imperial caviar before you gobble […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Erects ‘The Dennis Hastert Wing & A Prayer Center’

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! First, I would like to thank all members of the media for attending, as well as the entire Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries congregation flock—along with our corporate sponsors, Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A and Lockheed Martin. Because so many dedicated CZC Ministries sheep showed up for this ribbon-cutting ceremony, I am pleased to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Pumps the Pentagon & Pens a Psalm

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Sorry, usually I would pump the palm of everyone who writes hefty membership checks for Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries, but I don’t want to upset my portrait painter, Alphonse.  I’m under strict orders not to move a single muscle—unless you count the 26 muscles it takes to smile and say, “Hallelujah!” And I’m […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Dials “J” for Jihad

Hi, I’m Pastor Pillow. We greatly appreciate that you’ve reached out to the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries Hotline. Normally we charge 99 cents per minute to provide you with direct, Scripture-based, Dove-to-Supplicant discernment and wisdom. However, today you have blessedly reached the philadelphic phone of yours truly, CPO of this multi-billion-dollar Prosperity Gospel ministry. And […]

Je Suis Charlie / Je Suis Satirist / Je Suis Jesus

for the brave men and women of Charlie Hebdo, and other fallen victims in Paris, plus Erin Nanasi, top-notch satirist JE SUIS CHARLIE. JE SUIS SATIRIST. JE SUIS JESUS. In its heyday, Columbia City Paper was like a journalistic Roman candle borne from a twisted Hunter S. Thompson dream. How to explain? Perhaps as such: once […]

SPECIAL EDITION Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: A Pastor Pillow Christmas Carol

Pastor Pillow stirred in his sleep. He heard a soft jingling, and his sleeping consciousness assumed it was nothing more than 6,000 springs adjusting themselves in his Jab Anstoez-handcrafted Majesty VI bed. The bed was a gift from the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries Board of Ruling Elders, given to the good minister for his successful […]

The Folly of the American Voter, or Montezuma’s Revenge Makes for a Crappy Election

First things first, a little Midterm Election public service announcement: If you’re not sure where to vote on Election Day (Tuesday, November 4—as in, tomorrow), visit Google and type “WHERE TO VOTE.” A Polling Place Lookup tool will pop up at the top of the query results page. Then just type your residential address to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Parlays with the Islamic State & Rides into the Sunset on a Horny Camel

Pastor Pillow here! And you must be Ibrahim ibn Awwad ibn Ibrahim ibn Ali ibn Muhammad al-Badri al-Samarrai. Mind if I call you Ibby? What’s that, you prefer Amir al-Mu’minin Caliph Ibrahim? Gesundheit! Little joke there. Just call me the Apostolic Officiant of the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries Conglomerate, or CEO M.C. Cool Side of […]

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Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Lives Inside Me

Extra, Extra! Read all about it! Pastor Pillow Talks! is now an e-book! … “Pastor Pillow here!” That’s how the “Christian Right Weekly Round-Up” usually begins. However, this week, Pastor Pillow is taking a break and hanging out in The Church Brew Works in Pittsburgh. Even though Pastor Pillow wants you to believe he only […]

Chief Justice Roy Moore Needs To Go Back To Law School

Alabama’s top jurist is an idiot with blinders on. Not that this is likely to be a surprise to those of us familiar with life south of the nation’s waistline, but in this case we go from general assumption to documented proof. Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore has insisted publicly that freedom of religion applies […]