Quantcast

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Remakes the New Year

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Welcome to the spiritual sanctuary of the Good Zeppelin Zerubbabel, the multimillion-dollar faith flagship of the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries air armada. I just can’t thank Jehovah-jireh enough for providing me my own personal rigid airship so that I can praise the Lord free from the restrictive chains of the Luciferean […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow, Franklin Graham and Jerry Falwell, Jr. Walk Into a Bar Mitzvah

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Jerry, Jr., Franklin. Franklin, Jerry, Jr. I can hardly believe this is the first time the three of us have met—though of course I knew your fathers well. Sorry, Franklin, don’t want to bury your dad alongside Jerry, Sr., quite yet. But even I’ve got to admit that Billy would probably […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Delivers King James Version Bibles to Flood-Ravaged South Carolina

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! I’m sorry, didn’t catch your name. Hard to understand what you’re saying with that snorkel in your mouth. Then again, you might be a-prophesyin’ in the tongues of angels. Try it again. Pblpblpblpblpblpblpbl. Nope. Sorry. Well, if you don’t look like a waterlogged lost sheep standing in line at this Satanic, […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Fleeces a Departed Soul

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Today, we are gathered to commemorate and lift on high to the Lord the life of Larry, the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries worship band flugelhorner.  I see Charles Bodeloder waving way up high in the third mezzanine—no intention to offend, Chuck!  Let me rephrase:  Larry was ‘second chair’ flugelhorn in the […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow’s Vacation Bible School Concentration Camp Wonderland

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Yes, that’s me! The one and only famed Chief Pastoral Officer of the multi-billion-dollar global faith enterprise we like to call Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries. Why, if there’s a fleck of heavenly emerald or sardonyx out there waiting to be hoarded, we just focus our little mustard seeds of faith and […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Banks on the $pirit

Hello, Deacon Duvet here! I’m filling in for Pastor Pillow, who’s on a mission trip in Haiti this week. He’s overseeing the airdrop of 50,000 Camouflage NIV Bibles upon Cité Soleil, one of the worst slums on Planet Earth. If only those pathetic Haitians had the faith of a Grey Poupon mustard jar—then they too […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Erects ‘The Dennis Hastert Wing & A Prayer Center’

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! First, I would like to thank all members of the media for attending, as well as the entire Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries congregation flock—along with our corporate sponsors, Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A and Lockheed Martin. Because so many dedicated CZC Ministries sheep showed up for this ribbon-cutting ceremony, I am pleased to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Pumps the Pentagon & Pens a Psalm

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Sorry, usually I would pump the palm of everyone who writes hefty membership checks for Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries, but I don’t want to upset my portrait painter, Alphonse.  I’m under strict orders not to move a single muscle—unless you count the 26 muscles it takes to smile and say, “Hallelujah!” And I’m […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow’s Loaves & Fishies Apostolic Eatery Hut

Hello! Welcome to Pastor Pillow’s Loaves & Fishies Apostolic Eatery Hut—a fast food subsidiary of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries.  I’m Pastor Pillow. Why, yes, until very recently this was in fact a McDonald’s. Yet with Ray Kroc’s gastronomic legacy on the verge of collapse, the Good Lord has provided an opportunity for hundreds of PP […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: 2014 YEAR-IN-REVIEW, Plus Pastor Pillow Builds a Wall

Hey, Pastor Pillow here! Yeah, I know it’s a little loud with all these construction compressors! Here, put on this intercessory prayer hard hat! The crew is still putting some of the final stones into place, but I couldn’t help noticing all of those greenbacks sticking out of your billfold—thought you might like to be […]