So, Republicans Want to Leave the United States….

somaliaFor the last 4 years all I’ve heard from many Republicans was how they want to leave this country, because it’s turning into a “haven for socialism.”

According to many of the comments I’ve seen coming from Republicans, quite a few are planning to flee the country to escape the socialist terror of a country that would allow same-sex marriage, wants socialized health care, wants to ensure the wealthy pay higher taxes than middle class Americans, wants sensible gun regulations and seeks to keep religion out of our government.

As someone who isn’t a Republican, I highly encourage their exodus.  Hell, I’ll start a foundation that raises money to ship these people first class anywhere they want to go.

There’s just one problem, where the hell would they go?

I, as well as millions of other liberals, would love to see these people leave the United States.

But first, I would love these Republicans to list us one country on this planet that is a combination of all of the following:

  1. Doesn’t support same-sex marriage or unions
  2. Allows unregulated gun ownership
  3. Has no form of socialized health care
  4. Is run by a capitalistic theocracy
  5. Pays little or no taxes
  6. Has a very small government

And once they do find this nation (might I suggest Somalia) I promise liberals across the United States will gladly start a foundation that raises money to send their asses there on a first class red eye flight within 24 hours.  Well, most of the way first class anyway.  With low taxes and small government I don’t think Somalia has the airports and travel industry available for a non-stop first class flight for these future Somalians.  But I’m sure the numerous warlords throughout the country have some kind of transportation system in place if they join up with them.  Freedom and warlords, just think of all the guns they’ll have access to.

So please, from liberals everywhere, go ahead and leave.

After all, what would this country look like without the “great” education and economic systems such as those in Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Louisiana and Arkansas.

In fact, if every far right-wing Republican citizen left the United States, do you know what would happen?

  • Infant mortality rates would improve
  • Average life expectancy would increase
  • Education scores would rise
  • Obesity rates would drop
  • Median family income would increase
  • Divorce rates would drop (yes, many Republican states lead the nation in divorce)
  • The percentage of Americans living below the poverty line would drastically shrink
  • Our deficits would instantly be reduced, as most “strongly Republican” states take in more federal dollars than they pay out

So by all means, leave.  Again, I’m sure millions of liberals will pay for the mass conservative relocation to this “paradise of freedom.”

But again, the only question I have is— just where the hell would you go?

About Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is from the Dallas-Fort Worth area and has a degree in Political Science. He is a co-founder of Forward Progressives, and author of the popular Right Off A Cliff column. He is also the founder of the Right Off A Cliff facebook page, on which he routinely voices his opinions and stirs the pot for the Progressive movement. Follow Allen on Twitter as well, @Allen_Clifton.

  • http://www.facebook.com/clyobeck Clyo Beck

    Thank you for this amusing, logical article. Still, don’t fundamentalists serve a purpose? Do they not help us know ourselves and define our preferences?

    Consider that, so often when you ask a person what he or she wants or likes or prefers, that person has to think about it and often isn’t sure. That’s where fundamentalist Christians and Republicans come in. They give us instant clarification: “Not that!”

    Once we know “not that” then we can refine and create our own visions. True, the old paradigm is dying hard and will have nowhere (but perhaps Somalia, as you say) to go, but what an opportunity for personal growth and expanded awareness these people and their philosophies have given us. While I’m not grateful for the suffering and confusion their philosophies have caused, I am grateful that they’ve forced me to think about my own position on countless issues. As a result, I’ve gotten clearer about what I can do to create the kind of world I want – progressive, just and compassionate – and how to help create it.

    So, if they do leave, it’s fitting to pay for their airfare and send them off with flowers and champagne for how they’ve helped the rest of us progress, and probably faster than we would have otherwise. ;-)