Desperate to prove that they’re absolutely not racist in any way, and are just being advocates for our First Amendment, Fox News has decided to bring the colorful Paula Deen aboard and will give her a brand new show—Paula Deen: Cooking With A Southern Strategy.
The show will focus on dishes that represent true southern traditions that come straight from the plantation. Fox News has said they plan to help Deen overcome the oppression they claim has been recently forced on her by her critics, by giving her a show that will help her rise once again.
An unnamed Fox News network representative was quoted as saying, “Ms. Deen will not be held in chains, allowing her hand pick her entire staff and all of her recipes. She will not be a slave to peer pressure from the liberal media.”
Former congressman Allen West, Fox News’ leading African American paid contributor, has endorsed the hiring saying, “I feel this will really show that Fox News stands firmly with the First Amendment and an American’s right to treat all races equally.”
When a reporter pointed out to Mr. West that the First Amendment has nothing to do with racial equality, he accused the reporter of being a communist and hating America.
Fresh off her reunion with Fox News, Sarah Palin chimed in on the hire saying, “Paula is a great American and Fox News is damn lucky to have such a patriot. Paula Deen truly represents the values we here at Fox News cherish most.”
Fans of Deen have cheered the news of her new show, with many saying they look forward to learning how to make a single meal using only 6 pounds of butter and a gallon of oil.
Comments were directly sought from Deen after the announcement from Fox News. However, to this point, there has yet to be a public comment from Paula Deen, or any of her representatives, as they have been in a period of mourning since June 19th.
Of course—none of this is true.
I made all of it up. Though the sad part is, up until this point, many probably didn’t think this was satire. Heck, I wouldn’t be shocked if Paula Deen does somehow manage to get a new job that has Fox ties.
But that’s the true sad state of Fox News and the Republican Party—it’s become hard to tell the difference between satire and reality.